Tuesday, 11 February 2014
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
You do not understand, my friend,Why, despite your words and smiles,I sit in my corner by the window,Silent still.How can I explain it?Yes, my bandages have been peeled away,But when I glance at myself,I am nothing but shocked at the bare vulnerabilityI see in their place.And when you glance at me,I am shocked in the same wayThat you do not see the woundsStill raw and bloodyThat my eyes tell you ofIn a scream without words.
My friend, it is the memoriesThat keep me sitting here in silence.The skin is healed, butDo not assume that underneath it all,I am not still a mess of broken veinsDrowning my lungs in blood.My friend, the wounds are still here.They have sunk down deepWhere they are harder to see,But they have not disappeared.
Saturday, 20 November 2010
I Read this with interest this morning knowing full well how frosty and wound up I have been over recent day's.I know I am the worlds worst at asking for a hug or help.. when it's what I need.
Why so fearful of human contact ??
Probably as I don't want people seeing me at my most vulnerable state, as when the warped and twisted memories surface the frosty and aggro waves filter through then The only way for me to deal with it is recreate those walls again...funny how the old techniques still feel safe even when they are wrong. I guess that is a fear of showing my weakness...
What is there about a hug that makes all the difference ??
I had attended my therapy session on Thursday and it was tough always come out of it emotionally and physically drained (ask the family !!!) Its all to do with getting into those deeply repressed feelings one's that are trapped in time.As she phrased the journey this week I have been and still am riding a dragon, went into a place I never wanted to go back to .... but survived hmmmm.
In that whole process you feel so very alone, the terror is overwhelming it's like drowning; yet in the background is a voice gently reassuring that all is well, your not alone .....
I won't go any further than that but safe to say that M has now seen me at my weakest, hey and survived !!!
But you know what was best of all ??
The gentle reassuring embrace of one human to another, who has already ridden and beaten her dragons, I can pray all I want and scream to the Lord yet we all need those "God with skin on" moments and M knew that .
A hug can mean saving a life or losing it. We all crave physical contact some more than others and that all comes from the early years, foundations laid then can have such an effect on our physical and mental development.
So when you see me all frosty and grouchy be brave and do as this chap did below .... I promise I won't deck you but probably burst into tears !! but that's OK to isn't it ??
Never underestimate how powerful a hug is xxxx
Hug One Another
There is a wonderful woman--I won't say her name because she's pretty famous--who was at a conference where I was speaking. I didn't know who she was at the time. She seemed to be trying to slip by me without hugging me or saying anything. But I noticed her in the crowd, and she looked like she needed a hug. So I said, "Excuse me just a minute," to the lady I was talking to, and called out, "Hey you! Going by right there! Come here!"
The woman said, "Me?" and I said, "Yes, you." So she came over and I said, "You know what? You really need a hug." And I hugged her and held her. At first she was reluctant, but then she just got limp. And as I hugged her, I prayed for her, even though I didn't know what I was praying for. Later I happened to go to an event where this woman was in concert. And I said, "Oh my goodness! That's that lady!" She came up to me and said, "Do you remember me?" I said, "Yes." Then she told me, "The day you called me over to hug me was the lowest day of my life. I was wondering, 'Does anybody care? Does anybody love me?' And that hug saved my life."