Dolly Day's

Dolly Day's
Claiming my inner me. Now to find a gooli wog

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Mercyme - The First Time (with Lyrics) Fisher of Men

Been a very long time since I was last here so this song in a way feels very apt, even though its to do with meeting Jesus once agai. been in a bit of a desert but never stopped seeking and know I'm getting ever so closer once again and this time wont let go

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Screaming without words

Wednesday morning urg I am so tired, slept yet feel like I haven't.

Coiled spring ready to snap is how I am these days...

This morning trying to find the reason to carry on .

That sounds so lame considering all the stuff that is going on in the world, there are folks in far worse situations than I.

Does God hear me ??

Does he love me ?? even when I hurt myself ??

I can scream and no one gives a toss, just me throwing one of my tantrums or whatever they are.

Sigh away to face the world again with the plastic smile.


Author: silvercircles

Tonight,” you say, “we must stay up late—To celebrate!Tonight the bandages come off,The skin is healed.Tonight we will burn the bloody ragsAnd dance in the bonfire’s light!Tonight, ah, tonight,” you say,“We will forget the hard times.”

You do not understand, my friend,Why, despite your words and smiles,I sit in my corner by the window,Silent still.How can I explain it?Yes, my bandages have been peeled away,But when I glance at myself,I am nothing but shocked at the bare vulnerabilityI see in their place.And when you glance at me,I am shocked in the same wayThat you do not see the woundsStill raw and bloodyThat my eyes tell you ofIn a scream without words.

My friend, it is the memoriesThat keep me sitting here in silence.The skin is healed, butDo not assume that underneath it all,I am not still a mess of broken veinsDrowning my lungs in blood.My friend, the wounds are still here.They have sunk down deepWhere they are harder to see,But they have not disappeared.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Needing a hug

I Read this with interest this morning knowing full well how frosty and wound up I have been over recent day's.I know I am the worlds worst at asking for a hug or help.. when it's what I need.

Why so fearful of human contact ??

Probably as I don't want people seeing me at my most vulnerable state, as when the warped and twisted memories surface the frosty and aggro waves filter through then The only way for me to deal with it is recreate those walls again...funny how the old techniques still feel safe even when they are wrong. I guess that is a fear of showing my weakness...

What is there about a hug that makes all the difference ??

I had attended my therapy session on Thursday and it was tough always come out of it emotionally and physically drained (ask the family !!!) Its all to do with getting into those deeply repressed feelings one's that are trapped in time.As she phrased the journey this week I have been and still am riding a dragon, went into a place I never wanted to go back to .... but survived hmmmm.

In that whole process you feel so very alone, the terror is overwhelming it's like drowning; yet in the background is a voice gently reassuring that all is well, your not alone .....

I won't go any further than that but safe to say that M has now seen me at my weakest, hey and survived !!!

But you know what was best of all ??

The gentle reassuring embrace of one human to another, who has already ridden and beaten her dragons, I can pray all I want and scream to the Lord yet we all need those "God with skin on" moments and M knew that .

A hug can mean saving a life or losing it. We all crave physical contact some more than others and that all comes from the early years, foundations laid then can have such an effect on our physical and mental development.

So when you see me all frosty and grouchy be brave and do as this chap did below .... I promise I won't deck you but probably burst into tears !! but that's OK to isn't it ??

Never underestimate how powerful a hug is xxxx

Hug One Another

Needing a hug !!!

There is a wonderful woman--I won't say her name because she's pretty famous--who was at a conference where I was speaking. I didn't know who she was at the time. She seemed to be trying to slip by me without hugging me or saying anything. But I noticed her in the crowd, and she looked like she needed a hug. So I said, "Excuse me just a minute," to the lady I was talking to, and called out, "Hey you! Going by right there! Come here!"

The woman said, "Me?" and I said, "Yes, you." So she came over and I said, "You know what? You really need a hug." And I hugged her and held her. At first she was reluctant, but then she just got limp. And as I hugged her, I prayed for her, even though I didn't know what I was praying for. Later I happened to go to an event where this woman was in concert. And I said, "Oh my goodness! That's that lady!" She came up to me and said, "Do you remember me?" I said, "Yes." Then she told me, "The day you called me over to hug me was the lowest day of my life. I was wondering, 'Does anybody care? Does anybody love me?' And that hug saved my life."

Sunday, 26 September 2010

The Awakening

A friend sent me this in an email earlier this week.
I find it very profound and encouraging.
At this point in my therapy I find hey Claire it's not all about you and well you are allowed to make mistakes you are allowed to cry etc etc...
People can like or dislike you, Hey what's to like ?? lol
Bad things have happened in my life as much as anyone else's, I can either wallow forever or put it in the past where it belongs.
I want to move forwards not backwards ...
So after reading The Awakening written by unknown it has summed how I feel the next step on this journey is to be.

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity,

you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough

fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

© Author unknown

Friday, 13 August 2010

Simply have to share these words and thoughts of a fellow blogger .

Monday, 5 July 2010

Every Season - Nichole Nordeman

I was playing this ladies double album today, it's not really my type but hmm I do like this and through recent weeks / months simply watching the changes and simply resting in the awesomeness that is God, almighty creator of all things, then this song fits in nicely